Scrambled thoughts

What do you do when you have a lot of things going on in your head? I feel like I’ve been like this before, before going to therapy. Now I solved those past problems I had but now I have new ones and they are clogged in my brain. I don’t know where to start so I’ll probably dissolve them if I start talking about those.

Currently my problems involve the world I live in. Not in my close circle, but in a large scale. One of the things that have made me question a lot of things is Feminism. I never read about it, I barely heard about it before, when I lived in Mexico. It makes sense because I lived in a society where machismo and mysogyny are normalized, I was part of it and I didn’t know. Once I moved out to another country, I started to see things from outside and I started to understand why I was like that. It has been a process, but a painful process. In some ways I feel better, I know I am strong, I am intelligent, I own my body and only me, I make decisions for myself, I have empowered me. But also, I am struggling, trying to find reasons why so many men hate women, and that has made me feel anger and resentment against men. Now I am acting like the men that see women as inferiors. I am seeing man as inferiors, and I know this is not okay. It is not okay to revenge, but everytime I see violence against women I can’t help but feel angry.

What is it with men that hate women? Why is it that men are driven by their desire of power? Why can’t they think of women as human beings, coexisting and working together towards a better planet, life, and everything it implies. Why is it always a competency? It should not be, it must not be. People are more than their looks. If women are considered weak is because men have oppressed them and killed them through history. Women don’t want power over men, women want power over their bodies, and equal rights. Is it that women do not deserve that for some nonsense reason? It is hard to believe that men in power can’t assimilate these ideas. What do they think, really? Women are not enemies, why are there so many men against women rights, what is wrong with them? If religion is your excuse, that is the shittiest explanation ever. Religion is an ideology, very much likely created by men, why would you trust something that wants to hurt others? It’s hard to believe that religious ideas blind the logic reasoning of these people.

I am writing this because I need to express myself, my anger, my resentment. Hoping that by writing this I can clear my thoughts and have a better view of things. This won’t solve the problem, but at least I have stated what I’m fighting for and why. I know finding answers will be a process too. I don’t want one person’s answer, I want to figure it out on my own, what I should do.

Note: my first language is not English so my selection of words could be better. I also did not proofread after writing. I let myself go and let out what I was feeling and thinking.


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