Midnight thoughts

Hello everyone, it’s been a while since my last post. But anxiety has brought me again. I need to let everything out. I’ve been worrying again, too much, I have muscle tension, headaches, trouble concentrating. But we are close, we almost get a vaccine, we almost survive. But I’m still afraid. I don’t want to die, I don’t want my loved ones to die. I know I don’t decide over that, but it’s difficult to stop sometimes, the bad thoughts.

I just need to relax, I need to get my mind to other places, nicer ones, where there is happiness and not chaos. I need peace in my mind, it is difficult to find peace inside when outside is a mess. But I am trying again, and I will do it I know, I will get over these hard times again. I just need to be more patient, and I need to remind myself that I can’t control everything. There is a lot I can’t control or change, and I need to accept that and move on.

In school they say that only reading is not helpful to learn, and they’re right. I need to write too, this way I am leaving a mark on my mind, to remind myself that everything is going to be okay, and that I am doing my best. These are my feelings and they don’t define me, I feel this way for a reason and once a make peace with that and I accept whatever happens and however I feel, I will start healing, letting the fear go.

Today my psychologist told me something I didn’t believe of myself, and that shocked me. “You are very committed.” All my life I had been telling myself that I never make promises and that it’s hard for me to commit to something, but the truth is the opposite. I am very committed and that is why I worry too much. I always reprimand lies and this time I am the one who’s been lying to herself. But I won’t be mad at me, I’ll be proud now that I recognize another strength. I am proud of myself and I love myself, thus I need to take care of me.

I have no more to add today. It’s been a tough day, I really need a good sleep. I hope everyone that is reading this is having a great night wherever you are. Take care of yourself ♥️.

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