Hello dear reader, I wish you a happy new year 2023. Today I want to reflect about this past year. I went through a lot of new experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant. I experienced depression and the thought of dying was not that unreasonable for me. I really felt hopeless. I didn’t know how bad I was until I started to feel better, or just “feeling,” which was often absent during my depression. For me, starting treatment was already a new beginning.
Last new year’s eve I stayed home alone because I was just not in the mood. I’m afraid it was my depression, but I just didn’t know. This year I went to celebrate with family members and I had a wonderful time. I enjoyed it, I had fun, and I felt cheerful and happy, so, for me the end of the year was something really amazing because I didn’t imagine I could feel as good after a long time have only hopeless feelings and thoughts.
I am also very happy for my academic achievement, and I am proud of my progress and effort. I feel so grateful for everything that I achieved in both my mental health and my academic goals. I feel with my feet on the ground because I am aware of the valuable people and moments of my life, and I do not take it for granted. I wouldn’t want to feel depressed as I felt this past year, but one positive aspect from it is that it helped me to appreciate life, and the amazing people that I love and I’m loved by.
I am learning to be more present, less in my mind and more in the real world, without trying to have control over things or predict the future, because I can’t.
I don’t need anything else, I have everything, health, a loving family, a loving partner, loving friends. I can see, I can smell, I can eat, I can sing, I can read, I can write. I am alive.