I don’t like anxiety because it feels like being trapped in your own head. I don’t like feeling trapped. Perhaps I am afraid of that feeling, and that is the reason for my unlike ability of routine. Routine for me is a threat because it makes me feel bored, and disengaged, and if I feel disengaged I feel demotivated and sad. I don’t like feeling sad, who does?
Today I’m again about to finish a semester, and this case is my last semester of community college. I should be feeling freaking happy, but instead I feel stressed and tense. I am always afraid of how things will result, so this is my anxiety vicious cycle. I guess that’s the thing most constant in my life, my anxiety.
I wish it was easier for me to get out of my head. Sometimes I feel like I really need to turn off my brain for a while. If computers have a restart button there’s a reason, we all feel overwhelmed and oversaturated at times. I wonder how could I restart myself. We are very complex machines and I malfunction a lot too. Is this the reason why some people disappear some days to figure out their lives? I cannot completely disconnect from everything, and I don’t know if this is a defect or a beneficial thing.
The only thing I feel good about right now is that I know I will feel better later. In the meantime I am craving peace and calm.