It’s funny because my boyfriend knows that I have a blog and that I like writing but he never takes the time to go and read me. He spends most of the time by himself, playing in the computer.
I have learned to live alone, to find what I like to do by myself, and though I like to be accompanied I usually aren’t. I have stopped to do things I like because I don’t want to go alone, so I mostly have adapted to how he is, to the things he likes, like staying home. And on top all of this, he told me yesterday that I am more of a controlling person that what I want to accept. Those words hurt me, he is calling me controlling, perhaps selfish, and that is the opposite of what I’ve been. I’ve been the best girlfriend I have ever been in my life, I do my best, but they are correct when they say sometimes you’re not enough for people.
I don’t know if I am wrong but, I usually tell people to pay attention to what they’re doing to me because I don’t want to keep building resentment towards them and eventually lose interest or take my distance from them. I do this when I think people hadn’t realized something that they’ve done and hurt me. That’s what I do, I like telling people that they are hurting me, that I don’t want our relationship to be over, before it’s too late. I don’t know how long my relationships would last if I didn’t do this, I am easily hurt so I prefer to let them know when I have been hurt so they be more careful with my heart. Sounds cheesy, but I have learned to express my feelings to people. I have learned to ask for what I need, to give my opinion, to not be silent.
I also have learned that there’s people that will never accept their mistakes, when they do wrong, or when someone calls them out and they end up calling you “dramatic” or they consider themselves victims of your “attitude.” Those are the people I don’t regret losing, and I can only think of one person I have met that is like that, so I haven’t lost much. I prefer to be friends with people who can accept their faults, their part, and not to blame completely the other person.
There is not a lot of people who talk openly about their feelings, I would like to know why. For me it is liberating.