A night with anxiety

It’s been months since the last time I had anxiety, until today.

I know my trigger is feeling unhealthy. Today I have what I think is a muscular pain and I also had a few irregular heartbeats.

I remember the first time I felt that I was around 12 years maybe. I was scared and I went to tell my parents that were at the living room that I had weird heartbeats. I felt scared and cried, and they told everything was fine and to not worry.

Every random time I get these, I feel so scared of dying. And that takes away my peace. I don’t want to die right now, I have so much to do. But I also know I don’t get to decide when to die. And if I can’t control that, there is no point in worrying.

I have to repeat this to myself several times to really stop, because sometimes this fear just stays inside me and doesn’t want to leave.

One good thing about being afraid of death is that you realize how fragile life is and that you shouldn’t be wasting it. Thinking about this makes me really live, gives me strength everyday to keep going because who knows when it would be our last day so we better enjoy it.

A few days ago I realized I am living the happiest stage of my life. I am in the pursuit of my dreams, I am in love, I have my parents. I have my parents!! They’re everything to me.

To conclude this post, I will say “I did it”. I was able to write again, write about my feelings and I know this will help in the future. As my old posts have helped me today.

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