Tired of everything

What do you do when you’re tired of everything?

I really don’t know if this is related to the pandemic or of it’s simple me after all this time.

I’m tired of changes, I’m tired of people I don’t like, I’m tired of having to put a smile when I don’t feel like it but I feel dragged to it. I feel like I have no choice.

I’m tired of hiding my feelings, I’m tired of being tired. I need answers, I need to read stories of recovered people. People who feel like they have something but they don’t know what. People that feel they’re carrying something they don’t know what it is. I want to know how to overcome this. I’m tired of guessing, I feel like I’m fighting with a ghost, or the unknown. I want to have the recipe not for happiness but for calm, peace.

Maybe I need to be more grateful. Is it that I only complain and not thank? What is it? Can someone see me from the upside and tell me what I am doing wrong? Is this emptiness?

Why do I have such good days and then suddenly they seem to be gone for long but it’s been only days?

I have a lot of questions and not enough answers.