The balance

I don’t know if it’s just me, my age, or the fact than I’m far away from what I used to call home but, making friends is hard.
I used to have friends, I tell myself while I’m on tears while I write my feelings. It has became easier to write than talk, sometimes I lose practice.

What do you seek in a friend? Maybe the same you look in a dog, but adding the talking part (the answer, because some of us talk to our dogs). This is loyalty, love, fun, hugs, a good ear, someone to talk about everything without fear of being judged.

I miss my friends, they are important to me, they make me be all my versions. Funnier, more intelligent, more serious, rebel, dorky. They remind me that I have good qualities that I sometimes forget. That I’m not boring. They laugh at my jokes, they listen to my advice, they trust me, and that is my soul food. I like being needed, don’t get me wrong but I just enjoy giving love, helping, or at least trying.

I like my time alone but sometimes I get enough of myself.
It’s funny that even I work in customer service (helping people) that doesn’t fulfilllme me, it’s not even close to the level of connection I like having.

But I don’t regret being here, I like this place and I have met a few people that have made my days better.

I’m not alone, I know I have a man that loves me and I love him, my family that misses me as much as I do. I just had to recognize the part about my friends.

I remember I needed me time when I was back home, now I need time with others. It’s difficult to find a balance, I went from The city that captured the sun to The flower city. From 50°C to -20°C. From people making conversation everywhere to people using headphones all day.

I don’t know which part I’ll prefer in the end, but after 25 years of being in the same place I will embrace the change, I’ll give it a try and maybe 25 years later I can finally take a decision about what I really like. Or maybe I’ll just enjoy the moment and stop worrying for the first time in my life.

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